addendum
Conversation commissioned by Portland State University Art and Social Practice Program. Recorded with Becca Kauffman on 4/9/21:
Becca: What happened at McDonald's?
It was in my hometown and my mom documented me. I was really depressed while getting out of this relationship that was so hard, really. And I was at my mom's apartment and I was like, mom..
and you could probably glean a little bit about her from the way Kim and I talk about her but she's very creative. She's like, down for the journey. She's very curious. So it wasn't weird to ask her to document me. But it was like, I put on this costume. And I was totally transformed into this clown. Ronald McDonald clown. And I was at the bottom of my whole COVID existential crisis. I was just really having a hard time. And I was like, mom, will you come with me to McDonald's? So I go through the drive-thru and she was documenting me. And I was down the street from this Catholic school I went to as a kid and the drive-thru and everything, it was really absurd.
At first she was freaked out. She was like, I can't believe it's you. And I was like, I know, it's me, mom. Then we were kind of laughing. But then I got this actual happy meal. I was sitting on this, this brick wall. And I started sobbing.
The point of this is that I knew I had to do that. Like, there was something about it that I knew I had to do, and I shared it on Instagram and a lot of you thought it was really funny, which I found interesting. And I totally appreciate because it's absurd. But I was like, why? Because sometimes I just have this, it's like a flash or an insight. I don't know. I had an image of Ronald McDonald eating a happy meal at McDonald's and it felt really sad to me. So I was like, I feel really sad. I feel like I need to embody this.
So yes. And then, later, I was like, Oh, I was at a point where I was really feeling so outside of myself. I didn't know, who even am I? And to somehow engage in that consciously, and just be like, Okay, well, it's almost like activating my worst fear through being... what if I'm just this like, sad clown, but like, doing it in a purposeful way, and then having somebody I love see me do it. And then come out of it. Just be like, okay, I'm still here, you know. So that's why I'm an art therapist.
Becca: What happened at McDonald's?
It was in my hometown and my mom documented me. I was really depressed while getting out of this relationship that was so hard, really. And I was at my mom's apartment and I was like, mom..
and you could probably glean a little bit about her from the way Kim and I talk about her but she's very creative. She's like, down for the journey. She's very curious. So it wasn't weird to ask her to document me. But it was like, I put on this costume. And I was totally transformed into this clown. Ronald McDonald clown. And I was at the bottom of my whole COVID existential crisis. I was just really having a hard time. And I was like, mom, will you come with me to McDonald's? So I go through the drive-thru and she was documenting me. And I was down the street from this Catholic school I went to as a kid and the drive-thru and everything, it was really absurd.
At first she was freaked out. She was like, I can't believe it's you. And I was like, I know, it's me, mom. Then we were kind of laughing. But then I got this actual happy meal. I was sitting on this, this brick wall. And I started sobbing.
The point of this is that I knew I had to do that. Like, there was something about it that I knew I had to do, and I shared it on Instagram and a lot of you thought it was really funny, which I found interesting. And I totally appreciate because it's absurd. But I was like, why? Because sometimes I just have this, it's like a flash or an insight. I don't know. I had an image of Ronald McDonald eating a happy meal at McDonald's and it felt really sad to me. So I was like, I feel really sad. I feel like I need to embody this.
So yes. And then, later, I was like, Oh, I was at a point where I was really feeling so outside of myself. I didn't know, who even am I? And to somehow engage in that consciously, and just be like, Okay, well, it's almost like activating my worst fear through being... what if I'm just this like, sad clown, but like, doing it in a purposeful way, and then having somebody I love see me do it. And then come out of it. Just be like, okay, I'm still here, you know. So that's why I'm an art therapist.
