Spy Bovine

A few years ago while driving through the country I spotted a dead cow lying on its side, fully intact, beside a guard rail along a small paved road.  There was no sign of injury or violence. The vision haunted me for days. 

I contacted a friend who would serve as my accomplice, and we devised a plan.  We drove to the location at night and I dropped him off.  He hopped over the guard rail and began sawing off the four hooves. 

I continued driving for several miles.  I clocked fifteen minutes, the time on which we agreed for my return.  Once I drove back over the hill I flashed the high beams twice, our signal.  He entered the vehicle with a plastic bag.  In my studio I cleaned and tanned hooves.

Once I returned to New York I called him on the phone and asked him to recap the experience.  I wrote as he retold:

I don't- I don't really remember seeing anything because it was so dark
All I remember is the sounds
When I would saw through and bend it I could hear the bones cracking through
and at one point the blade broke
So people are going to see the blade there

The legs were totally stiff
What if I lost my cell phone there and they knew it was me?
I'd be in trouble probably
some mutilating something-or-other

I also remember the smell
rotting corpse but it kind of activated when I was sawing through and jiggling its body
I remember being so fatigued after the first two legs
I was sawing as fast as I could saw
I wish I had a saw with better teeth

I saw three cars- I don't know how many were you
I just happened to catch a glimpse of light because it was so dark

It was pitch black
Slowly my eyes adjusted and it wasn't that bad
I just kept thinking, I gotta get this done

I saw light showing in my peripheral vision and dove down onto the side of the hill in the leaves
I tried to lay as flat as I could
I didn't want to look up at the cars so they wouldn't catch the glare in my eyes
I had to do that twice

The sawing was just a ripping sound, through fur and tendons
Bone more or less sounded like wood
A saw through bone

I bent it a few times and it wasn't all the way through
Then it made a high-pitch snapping sound

A leg dangling with a little bit of fur attached
Had to saw that little bugger
Even the tiniest bit of fur didn't want to break

I felt pretty silent for the most part
I'm so glad I brought that other saw
First blade broke on the the third leg
It was sticking out from the leg
I left it there when the blade cracked
That was the worst
That jagged metal handle was killin' my palm

My adrenaline was pumping so hard I knew I was hurting myself more than I could feel
If I kept going I'd'a ripped a chunk outta my hand  
I didn't even know is that blade was gonna cut through the one and a half legs that were left
Every time I cut a leg off I threw it in the bag, wanted to keep 'em together  
Didn't want any legs floating around

I was so overheated
I had too many clothes on
The only thing I would'a done differently is had a better saw